"They're a complete waste of time," says Professor Wylie. "Pills and lotions have no proven benefit. If they were effective, they would be on sale at chemists. Using a lotion may help a man become more familiar with his penis, which some men shy away from. So lotions can help a man become more comfortable with his penis but they certainly won't make it any bigger."
Almost all men have a normal size penis – although many young men are concerned that their penis is too short or too small. Sometimes they believe this because they have compared themselves with friends or classmates in a common shower or locker room, or maybe someone teased them or made a hurtful comment. Or they might have seen pornographic pictures or movies and compared themselves with the porno “stars” (many of whom have unusually large genitalia).
Professor Ralph at UCL believes that some clinics are feeding patients’ unrealistic expectations. “Initially, they don’t see doctors, they see sales people. It’s a hard sell: ‘We can get you an extra inch or two.’ I’ve been practising in the NHS for 30 years: if it was that easy to increase the length of a normal penis, I’d be in the Mediterranean on my cruise liner now.”
One of the things I took away from dating him is how insecure men can be about their penis size. So whenever I date anyone, I always tell them the very specific details in how I love their penis. I never lie – that would be too tough to maintain long-term – but I always find something. Huge girth. Love the way it curves. The hardest I’ve ever been with. I can barely fit it in my mouth. Whatever. I don’t understand the penis-insecurity but I am going to do my best to rid this world of penis insecurities, one cock at a time.

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